welcome email

Dear Self-Publishing Author,

Thanks for telling me I didn't send the email I can prove I sent you. It helps that you explained to me that you will not chase me. I thank you for clearing that up.

It was wonderful to explain our process to you, while you interrupted me and spoke over me. I'm sure this is the best way for us to communicate and for you to understand our procedure.

Thank you also for making me explain what the links in the welcome email would do. I'm sure the English used to describe the links in the email was insufficient.

Again, I'm very impressed that you used this phone call as an opportunity to decry my company and the self-publishing industry in general. No, it is not a mystery why you are engaging in this process. You're right: "We'll see."

Sincerely,
Working with geniuses here